


Friendsim rewrite I guess

by IsLife



Category: Hiveswap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2019-08-03 08:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16322729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsLife/pseuds/IsLife
Summary: I love the friendsims, so this is my little au. I'm gonna try and make it largely the same just with more character interactions and more talking with old friends. I'm bad at describing lmao.





	1. Meat Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this today in honor of hostilemuppets birthday! Their blog is super awesome and the Ardata content they make highkey inspired this fic. 
> 
> Happy birthday!

Your name is, oh who are you kidding we don't have time for this!!! 

You and your new friend Diemen have just spent the last few hours running through the sewers and now it's almost sun up and you've been told that sun up is not something you want to be around for, so you're about to ask where he lives, but he beats you to the punch.

“(| is your hive near here |)” You forgot he's homeless too. Luckily you have one other friend on this planet. You ask him to help you find your way back to where he found you, you can find her from there. He obliges and the two of you begin walking 

Soon enough you’re back on the street corner where he found you and even sooner you’re on Ardata’s doorstep. You knock. 

“(| this is your hive |)” Your friend asks with awe “(| its huge |)” you quickly correct him. Can't take credit for Ardatas hive. You tell him you don’t have a home either, but a good friend of yours lives here. Speaking of the sun is starting to rise, you hope she's not in bed already. You knock again. 

Her lusus somehow opens the door despite not having hands and let's you and Diemen in before promptly cornering you on the other side of the living room. The giant tick seems ready to kill you both before Ardata comes down stairs and gets her lusus to leave. She's still fully dressed and wide awake so you guess you’re not a disturbance, in fact she seems quite happy to see you! 

“so wonderful to see you friiiend,” She starts as you pull her into a hug that really hurts your broken arm. As she pulls away and sees a terrified looking Diemen. “and you even brought food for my dear lusus. how kind of you.” She finishes with a sinister smile. Someone who didn't know her might be scared right about now, but you spent the last week living with her and you know she won't hurt anyone she doesn't have to. 

So you simply introduce them. Diemen is shaking as he says a hello. He relaxes quite a bit when she leaves to find you something to eat. 

“(| you never said your friend is cerulean |)” She's what? You ask him if that's some kind of insult. At first it seems he wants to backpedal, but then he sees your genuine confusion and clarifies “(| her blood |)” 

Oh yeah its blue. He looks at you like you just grew another head. Apparently that's not as casual as you thought it was. You ask why it's a big deal and he explains to you the social order of Alternia. Apparently Diemen is the lowest and Ardata is like the 3rd highest land dweller. You don't have a lot of context, but combined with the knowledge that Ardata has other trolls of Diemen's blood color locked in the basement you can see how he's nervous. 

Ardata walks back in with leftovers from your meal here yesterday, you thank her and begin eating. Then you dive into the more serious issue. You ask her why she’s scaring your other friend, you know it's on purpose.

“oh diiid iii scare hiiim?” she asks absentmindedly. She's not fooling you, just yesterday you were living with her and for the time you were she mentioned a lot how much she hates doing things like this. She even said that you are her first and only friend. 

Hey! Maybe instead of pretending to be racist Ardata can just live with Diemen and make another friend. She laughs at you and Diemen tenses even more. The guy is sweating bullets. 

You insist, no they should definitely hear you out. They'd be perfect friends! Ardata could give Diemen a place to live and a bunch of hotdogs and Diemen could help her feel better after live streams. Come to think of it they're both traumatized and lonely. Diemen with his recent loss of hive and lusus and Ardata with being forced to torture people for a living. They could really help each other out! 

Ardata looks stunned into silence so Diemen says “(| are you |)” he pauses looking from you to Ardata “(| are you setting us up |)” 

What no! You guys would just be good friends and roommates that's all. Nothing romantic about two roommates confiding in each other, helping each other heal, and all around become better people! They glance at each other again, apparently that was unconvincing. Ardata breathes out and looks at you. 

“iii know you just got to alterniiia, but were you hatched just last week as well?” Then she explains the alternia romance system. There were four quadrants and after hearing it you definitely just tried to set them up as moirails. Whatever even if they don't date them living together just makes sense! Ardata could protect Diemen and learn to have real friends and Diemen could have a place to live. 

Diemen still looks scared, but Ardata says he can stay with her as long as he likes. You make her promise to keep him out of her internet career and she agrees. Then you tell Ardata about your recent hotdog fueled adventure and give Diemen an abridged version of how you and Ardata met. You leave out the panic attack, because you're not a complete idiot. 

After you all talk for a bit and Diemen slowly becomes more relaxed. Once you finish your food Ardata shows Diemen his new room and you take your usual spot on the chair in her room. You get a very good night's rest.


	2. Friendshiiip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is twice the length of the last one lmao. 
> 
> Also Ardata and Diemen get two chapters because they're sharing, everyone else will get one chapter.

You wake up on your usual chair, like you said you got a very good night's rest. It's hard not to in Ardatas house, after you get used to the dungeon and the tick monster it's easily the most comfortable house you've ever been to. You almost wanna lie here forever, but you need breakfast and more importantly you need to talk to your friends. 

You don’t see Ardata in the slime sack she sleeps in, so you guess she's downstairs. You carefully descend, if you step to hard you hurt your ribs and you can't grab the rails if you trip. You take each step with care and succeed in not dying on the stairs like an idiot to find no one in the living room, well other than the tick monster, but we don't talk about her. 

You move into the kitchen and there they are! Ardata is at her usual seat at the head of the table and Diemen is directly across from her. She’s fully dressed makeup and all, which is odd, in your experience she's usually rockin the ‘yesterdays makeup smeared on my face and my never-been-washed pyjamas on’ look in the morning. You guess it’s fine since Diemen is also fully dressed his hair still is a total mess though. They're both eating something that looks disgusting in total silence. 

When Diemen sees you he noticeably perks up and relaxes. “(| hey man |)” he says with a little excitement in his voice, not much though. You think he just has a naturally monotone voice, it's almost comedic when combined with his expressive facial expressions and body language. “(| we made you a plate |)” he says gesturing to an empty chair and a full plate. 

You sit down, but now you can't help but wonder. Is he really your friend or did he just want hotdogs? He sounds pretty neutral about seeing you, maybe he's better at altering body language than tone of voice and he hates you. The stress is too much, but your thought is interrupted. 

“he's happy to see you, please eat your food iiits getting cold.” Ardata says without looking up from her food. 

How could you know? You start to ask but you cut yourself off, you forgot she could read minds. She looks up at you with a tired and amused smile. It looks so genuine you almost cry. After you think that she goes back to her eating with a blank expression. 

“(| what |)” Oh he looks really confused. You guess that interaction would look weird out of context, considering the only full sentence was very out of nowhere. You thought that mind reading was a blood color thing though? Maybe Ardatas like some kind of freak? Wait no that's definitely a rude thing to think, especially since she can read minds! You're such an idiot, you can't- 

“just explaiiin, you've been staring at him for twenty seconds.” Oh right Diemen. You tell him Ardata can read minds. 

He freezes up, he’s completely still and tense. You think you can even see his eyes widen under his mess of hair. Oh yeah you guess that's kind of scary, you didn't even think about it. Sometimes people just read minds, it's just like that. 

He seems to consider this for a second before shrugging “(| yeah I guess so |)” 

Woah that worked? You were just joking. 

“(| yeah man whatever she seems nice enough |)” You give Ardata a ‘are you doing something’ look and she looks up and seems to fight off a real laugh. She's innocent then, honestly that was a dumb question, it's not like making him say that would make him actually feel that way. You also just realized that look was redundant, she can read minds, you could have just thought it at her. Idiot. 

“wiiill you both stop that? iiits tiiiriiing hearing both of you be so self deprecatiiing.” You look at Diemen, why was he self deprecating? Diemens the coolest! Sure he's obsessed with hotdogs, but he's a lovable, funny, and very nice guy! 

“(| uh thanks I think |)” You're welcome! “(| i wasn't really being down on myself though |)”  
What? You look at Ardata. 

“iiit was stiiill annoyiiing me” She's trying to sound irritated, but seriously who is she fooling? Everyone but you probably. You just know her really well. 

Ardata snaps her fingers in front of your face. Right. Diemen. You're not a morning person. You ask how he is. He says fine, but gets a little tense again. Maybe Ardata is making him nervous? You could ask her to get something from- 

“or iii can just go upstaiiirs” Right. Mind reader. You thank her as she walks out. 

Okay back to business. You hear Ardata’s footsteps on the stairs then turn to Diemen. This time when you ask he says “(| shes a high blood man doesnt she scare you |)” 

You shrug. Not really, no. “(| but you told me she locked you in a dungeon and made you feed her |)” Oh yeah, you had to leave out the part where she talked about how much she hates herself for doing stuff like that. 

Hold on. Maybe you can tell the truth?

You walk upstairs with care and find Ardata on her phone in her room. You explain the situation. “iii trust you, do whatever you feel iiis necessary.” She doesn't even look up as she says it. You craft a half truth as you walk down and when face to face with Diemen you just say she took great care of you in the week you lived with her. You tell him you trust her with you life. 

Ardata walks back into the kitchen as you finish that sentence. “thank you for the flattery friiiend,” she starts smiling at you. “but you don't need to try to protect me.”

She turns to Diemen “they're too afraiiid of upsettiiing me to say, but the truth iiis iii hate doiiing what iii do. iii understand you probably haven't giiiven iiit much thought, but iiits miserable for me. iii know iiit hurts them too, iii know because iii feel iiit. iii almost wiiish iii were them, they only must deal with themselves, iii have to feel the paiiin of everyone. iii understand how much iii hurt them and iii wiiish iii diiidnt have to, but iii do.”

She's clearly trying very hard to keep it together, shes holding her phone tightly in her hand and is all around very tense. opening up to him was a big risk. She trusts your judge of character enough to make it. Diemen better be cool. He looks deep in thought. 

Diemen? 

“(| I think I get it |)” you perk up, oh yes you knew he was cool. “(| you can hear everyone's opinions |)” he trails off. You encourage him to continue, she doesn't bite, just her lusus does that, it's okay. 

“(| you hear everyone's opinions on you and the rusties downstairs are probably a lot of that |)” She nods. 

“(| yeah they probably dont like you |)” She bursts out laughing, a true genuine laugh. 

While your looking at her you're again hit with the realization that you're the first person whose ever liked Ardata. You hate this planet they don't know what they're missing out on. Just look at her! Laughing with her head thrown back like the queen she is. 

She leans forward, putting her hand on Diemen's shoulder to support herself and you think you hear her breaths staggering. 

Oh no. 

She's crying full stop into Diemen's chest. He looks up at you. You guess you're supposed to know what to do? You grab her arm with your good one and guide her to her chair at the kitchen table, you think she usual sits during panic attacks. Diemen takes her other side and once she's sitting he rubs her arm in a soothing motion. It looks like an awkward motion since she has her hands clutching her hair. 

She's sobbing and choking on her own breaths. The tear are flowing down her face and ruining her eye makeup. She's grabbing her hair so hard it looks painful and you think shes clawing at her scalp. 

He didn't mean- 

“iii know what he meant, iii can hear iiit" She staggers out. “he's doiiing fiiine, your friiiend iiis very niiice.” Oh cool, but if he's not the problem then what is? 

She looks at Diemen for a second seeming to weigh her options. Then she looks down, wipes away her tears, straightens out her hair and knocks back her chair, making you painfully land on your butt. As she walks completely out of the kitchen she says “no need to be so obsessed wiiith me, iiive giiiven you quiiite a show, iiit's really selfiiish to ask for more.” 

Got it, she doesn’t wanna talk about it yet. You turn to Diemen who's looking at the kitchen door, his face full of concern. You reassure him that she'll come back. She just needs some time. He looks concerned, but sits back down. You do the same and finally eat your breakfast. 

Once you finish you talk with Diemen for a few hours, he says he's a lot more comfortable at Ardatas now. You ask if he's comfortable enough to be alone in the kitchen with her lusus wandering around. He says sure and you go to see your other friend.

You knock quietly on her door and she opens it looking perfectly composed. “hello friiiend, diiid you need help fiiindiiing some lunch?” 

You glare at her. Come on, she knows why you're here. She gives you an uncommitted hum then beckons you into her room. You make yourself comfy in your usual chair and then she hands you her phone. 

“no iiits yours” What? She bought you a phone? Isn't that expensive? 

“not when the mustard blood sales rep knows your streams.” Oh…  
you apologize a few times, but she waves you off. It's not like you've ever really been scared of her, apparently she likes that you've always just seen her as a friend. Then she shows you how to use the phone before you both head back down. 

When you get down stairs you see Diemen sitting on the couch watching a TV. He greets you both pleasantly with a grin on his face and asks if you'd like to join him. You say yes, but Ardata declined. She's going to pick you all up something to eat, awesome! Why don't we all go? 

She shrugs and the three of you begin walking until you see a shopping center! You think you see the troll equivalent of a chinese restaurant too, maybe you guys can eat there? Actually no, their rice is probably maggots or something. 

You ask Ardata if that's where you'll be eating and she informs you that's an eastern store. You ask what that means and she describes troll anime to you.

Thanks, you hate it! Diemen and Ardata laughs, apparently they also dislike troll anime. 

You're still enjoying the thrill of making your friends laugh when you realize your walking through the door of what looks like a troll t-mobile. Upon entering you see trolls with bright pink symbols on black shirts in a room full of the gross phones that look that the ones you've seen Ardata with. When the workers see you all they look at you with wide eyes, well they're not looking at you so much as their looking at Ardata. She grins and yells out, “Where is Weiiixen?” 

It takes no time for a short, messy haired boy in ugly yellow pants comes through a door in the back. “Was there. A problem. Miss Carmia?” he asks shaking and looking up at her. Wow this guy is shorter than Diemen 

“No Weiiixen, you diiid just marvelously.” The room let's out a collective sigh of relief. “You diiid so marvelously that iii would liiike a another palmhusk from you.” she's grinning so deviously even your a little scared for this guy. 

“What kind. Are you. Interested in. Today ma'am?” He asks so slowly you think you might strangle him. 

“iii want one for my new liiittle rustiiie here.” She replies patting diemen on the head. He flinches at the unexpected touch and she shoots him a cruel glare. He's as tense as he was last morning. 

“We have. Plenty of. Great options. To choose. From for. You ma’am.” He gestures to a wall of ugly what was it he called them? Palmhusks? Yeah those. “This is. The selection. Of rust. Blood palmhusks. They have. A variety. Of-” 

“Your voice iiis paiiinful to liiisten to iii don't want to hear anymore of iiit” His jaw clicks shut and his eyes widen. “That's much better, now, iii don't want to see anythiiing as ugly as those palmhusks again ever again understand?” 

He nods. 

“Wonderful, now where the brown and yellow ones?” He walks over to equally small and shabby phones. “Perfect, out of all of these iiif you could have any, whiiich would you liiike most?” He points to a yellow phone with a big screen. 

“Great, iii'll take iiit! iii want iiit ready iiin fiiive miiinutes iii have places to be.” He scuttles off into a back room and comes out with a box and a taller troll with blueish green pants on. Her name tag says Tishka

“Hello Mish Carmia! Weixen thought you might prefer a better saleh reprehentative to finish your tranhaction!” Ardata rolls her eyes and asks for the total. It's a lot cheaper than the one on the price tag for the phone. 

“Thank you so much for shopping with us Mish Carmia! We appreciate it so very much!” Ardata looks disgusted as she guides you both out the door. Once your back on the sidewalk she takes out the phone and begins setting it up. 

“Sorry for that liiittle diiisplay iiin there.” Nah you get it, gotta stay on brand, can't let them think your weak or whatever. She gives a weak laugh and a confirmation. You nudge Diemen and smile at him, he's still a bit tense, but it seems like knowing you guys are uncomfortable too made him feel a bit better. 

You guys walk home in a comfortable silence and when you get to Ardatas door step you see a troll holding a fast food bag angrily knocking on the door. Apparently Ardata ordered food from Diemen's new phone.

After she deals with that you all eat the hot dogs she ordered, they taste just like the earth counterpart. Then she shows Diemen his phone he gets your number and you all watch a movie, you have no idea what's happening or who the characters are, but Diemen seems to enjoy it. It's a pretty nice night.


	3. Her Muse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its the Amisia chapter featuring my weird headcanon about her favorite movies!

You wake up in your usual chair. You got a good night's rest again, but you think you've woken up early, Ardata’s in her slime sack and it's still light out. Cool, guess you'll find Diemen. You peak into his room and find him sleeping as well, from his window it looks like sunset. Alright cool, guess you'll set the table then! 

You make your way down stairs and make three plates. You wait a few minutes to eat, hoping they'll wake up, but hunger is too much and you eat everything off the plate. By the time you're done it's dark out. You wanted to say goodbye before heading out, but you think you'll just go now. It's not like you won't visit, it's time for more friends!

You walk out the front door and stumble through the strange streets of an alien world, desperate for another friend. Maybe some medicine too, your arms and ribs still really hurt, but mostly you want friends! Lucky you, there's a small figure in the distance. Wow that was fast, you've only been out there like a minute! 

The figure comes closer to you and turns into a short girl with long messy hair and an artist's smock. She has white circular glasses and a very round childlike face. The more you look at her the more you think she might actually be a kid. 

“oh youu are so...” she starts after examining you the same way you did her. You expect an insult, but instead she calls you cute?

Apparently your alienness is inspiring her. She invites you to follow her and you do so eagerly. You excitedly text your other friends, tell them about the new friend your making and follow her to the secondary location. 

Eventually you two end up in what looks like the rich people neighborhood, behind her is a fancy looking house. You guys are just outside the door, but she stops before you can walk in. “i forgot to ask earlier, buut are you an artist?” 

You tell her you've never had the knack for it, but you enjoy others art greatly. She smiles brightly “good! friendships between artists never work out.” 

You involuntarily smile as she unlocks the door, she called you a friend! You're almost shaking as she apologizes for the mess and leads you into an art studio. She has you stick your arm into some hole that heals it. The excitement proves to be too much as you hurt yourself again by dancing around the studio. Amisia marvels at your blood then accidentally draws more with an axe.

You wake up after passing out from blood loss. She then confesses to you her secret. She doesn't really draw she just like the aesthetic of being an artist, but apparently you really do inspire her. She's called you her muse. She then informs you that you'll be staying with her for the rest of your lives. 

Hold on. 

What, 

What was that last thing? 

“youu can stay can't youu?” No you're sorry, but you're on a journey, an epic quest for friendship the likes of which have never been seen before! She giggles, but seems disappointed. You make a deal, you'll come by and visit drop off blood every now and then. 

She gives you another bright smile. “thank youu friend!” 

Can you stay here for a few days though? You need to recover after that blood loss, even if she did close the wounds. She happily agrees to let you stay without taking any more blood. She says she needs to preserve you, you guess that's fair enough. 

“speaking of, we’ll need to stay in touuch, do you have a palmhuusk?” You hand her the device and she puts her number in it, when she hands it back to you she points out your many notifications. The first came only a minute after you left. 

“hello friiiend where have you gone?” 

“(| thanks for leaving food out for us |)” 

“who iiis your new friiiend? may we see her?” 

“hello? are you okay?” 

“iiif you could just reply and let us know where you are that would be appreciiiated” 

“were comiiing to fiiind you.” 

That one was only a minute go, Amisia probably saw it. You tell Ardata and Diemen that you're safe and that you'll tell them the whole story later.

“anyway, do youu eat?” You do and you'd like to! She takes you down stairs where you both eat some weird troll food. She's shuffling her feet awkwardly the whole time. You ask her if she's okay and she asks if she can ask something. Of course she can! 

“was the ardata that texted you THE ardata, she had the same quuirk, so I was juust wondering..” She looks really nervous asking, you tell her yes. She was the first one to meet you here and now you're friends! Amisia looks amazed. 

“youu stayed with ardata and lived!” You don't mention that it's also pretty lucky that you lived through your encounter with her, given that she's probably a serial killer. You just ask if she’d like to meet her. 

“no way! even if I am higher than her youu don't mess with streamers” She's higher than Ardata? But they're both blue??

“she's ceruulean, I'm indigo” Alright sure, leave it to the art nerd to make that distinction! She laughs and informs you that everyone makes that distinction. 

Oh. Anyway, she wanted to meet Ardata? You can just make a group chat for the four of you.

“Fouur?” Oh yeah can't leave out Diemen! That way it'll be all your friends in one place! You make the chat and everyone's quiet. Cool! 

“Diemens yellow?” 

What? No he doesn't have jaundice. 

“what the fuuck is jauundice?” You laugh so hard you hurt your ribs, wow those bad boys are broken. Once the pain and the laughter subsides you tell her it's nothing and asks her what she meant by yellow. 

“his blood!” Oh no its red. “Oh another rustie?” Yeah that's him. She looks disappointed, she probably wouldn't have gotten any blood anyway, you think Diemen is the kinda guy who would want to keep that for himself. 

“no big loss, I've got plenty of it anyway.” 

An awkward silence overtakes the room. You guess this kind of thing happens when you base a friendship on kidnapping and blood loss. You try to think of anything to kill the quiet, but you can't. Your brain is still hardly working, it's making you feel horrible, she looks so bored. Wasn't there something you wanted to ask her something what was it? 

Oh yeah, troll space jam!

“what? what's space jam?” she says caught off guard by your question. Oh man space jam? It's a movie about a bunch of cartoon characters helping basketball players fight aliens to get their basketball skills back! 

“oh yeah that movie! ‘In Which A Group of Many Hand-drawn Characters Assists a Small Group of Sports Players in Retrieving Their Psionic Abilities from Grotesque Monsters From Another World Including Sexualized Hop Beasts, Prominent Gutterblood Characters, and Possible Calls to Rebellion That Will Surely See the Creators Culled’ 

W- what… what was that? 

“I think it's the closest thing to ‘space jam'” 

Why did she say all those words? so many words.. 

“that's the title silly!” 

No! That's not a title! It's a summary followed by some trigger warnings! What even are hop beasts! How does a movie about bugs bunny playing basketball have a call to rebellion!

“Who's bugs bunny?” WHAT! Then who's the main character!?

“Gruubie Hopbst!” What, that's the dumbest name you've ever heard! 

“hey shut up! Gruubie Hopbst is awesome!” Yeah you guess any Bugs is a good Bugs. Does she have the movie? 

“hell yeah! just don't tell anyone” You want to ask why, but you can't delay watching troll space jam any longer. 

It's nearly identical. They're setting up a carnival instead of an amusement park and that's about the biggest change there is. You and Amisia have the best time watching it. Apparently it's one of her favorite movies. She has good taste. You spend the night watching troll looney tunes movies until the two of you fall asleep. 

Its peaceful as always. You're back at Ardatas hive. She invites you in the same as before, but this time you stay in basement, you stay and build her table. She straps a troll to it. One thing leads to another and you stab her lusus. Rust red is pouring from it, how did it even take that much blood, there's so much and it's everywhere. It's on you and it's on Ardata and she looks mad. The tick fails widely in a gruesome death. You’re forcefully ejected from the hive. 

You wake up on Amisia’s couch sweating with tears in your eyes. She's still sleeping, it looks like she's having nightmares too. You carry her to her bedroom and lay her in her slime sack then lean against it. Once you're settled you pull out your phone, that dream was a touch too real, you need to hear from Ardata just in case. You text her and pretend it's just a check in. The reply is instant. 

“hello friiiend iii'm glad youre safe, but you really should be sleeping at thiiis hour. get some rest :.)” She even included her third eye in her smiley face, beautiful. As long you know that you're friends, you can sleep. 

In your dream this time she rejects you and you burn up outside with Diemen. 

“hey are youu okay?” Amisia asks shaking you. It was just a bad dream.

“then come eat, I'm not leaving it out all night.” You walk together to her dining room. You eat and chat more about troll looney tunes. She's very enthusiastic about it. Why doesn’t she draw that? 

“I can't draw! I suuck at it!” Well yeah if that's her attitude then she won’t get anywhere.

“its true, youu saw my drawing” Has she ever been encouraged? She just needs to keep trying! It's okay if it sucks at first, because later it'll get better! 

“I have been trying!” You've seen nothing but blank canvases since you've gotten here. 

She looks down shamefully. If shes having trouble she should try sketching with pencil before she does the paint part. 

“what” Yeah, draw an outline and then draw over that. “no! that's cheating!” 

You can't cheat at art it's not a game! “that's not what they say online look!” 

She shows you a block of text in a language you can't read, you recognize it as their language, but you can't read it. 

“I’ve seen you text your other friends on your palmhusk, you had to read their messages!” 

You turn up the volume and press the text to speech button. The phone spews out Diemen's text “(| hey I'm good how are you |)” a simple reply to your panic induced good morning text. 

“oh, I'll read it to you.” It's a callout post for some art thief named ‘Remell’ accused of tracing someone else's work. 

That's different though, that was some else's! She looks unconvinced. “let's juust watch movies” You give her a smile. Yeah you think you can do that. You can come back to art later

You stay with Amisia another three days, in that time you watch all of the troll looney tunes movies and you stop feeling light headed every time you stand up. Score! 

You're about to head out the door when you remember Ardata asked to see your new friend, can't leave her hanging. You take a selfie with Amisia and send it to your two other pals. After that you head out once more into the unknown, to continue your quest for friendship!


	4. The New (Moisture) Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to finally befriend Cirava featuring more of my weird headcanons!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long! Holiday hour increase combined with illness delayed this a bit but here we are!

Alright, this is bull. Last time you wandered the streets someone came up to you in minutes, but it's been hours! You guess this is your life now, wandering alien streets in desperate search for a companion only to find that it's all futile, you're forevermore walking alone… 

Oh never mind there's someone! 

They're really bright. A bright pink triangle eyepatch is over one eye and the visible one is neon green. Their sneakers are the same colors as the aforementioned eyes and a pink tank top is peaking out from a loose fitting shirt, that's hanging comfortably off their shoulder. Now that they're getting closer they actually give off a really messy vibe, jagged teeth, greasy face, messy hair, or maybe the hair is gelled it's hard to tell. Regardless this dude clearly doesn't have to try to be cool. 

They lead with some backhanded concern, par for the course really. After that, along with introductions are out of the way, Cirava leads you to their hive. It's more bright then they are, but if headaches are the price of friendship then so be it.

In the first five minutes of being in their ho-, hive, man you need to learn these words better. Anyway you learn four things, the aesthetic they have is called moisturewave and they put a lot of work into it, they are some kind of internet celebrity, they have a tragic backstory, and they are very popular. That's perfect! One popular troll could lead to be friends with many other trolls! Gotta keep this friendship train rolling! 

Okay after a bit more talking hints at this tragic backstory are getting a lot more common, you need to learn it, but apparently it's makeover time! Cirava has informed that to be friends you'll need to change your look. Fair enough you guess, you've been in the same outfit for two weeks now and it's covered in blood stains and still kind of smells like sewer. It's a miracle you haven't gotten an infection. 

The two of you begin walking upstairs and they way up has pictures of Cirava with people who dress quite similarly. More friends of theirs? Who can be friends with you maybe? 

“lmao theyre dead to me now, I should really take that down” You're so close to unlocking that tragic backstory you can feel it! Can't dwell on that now though its makeover time! 

They set you lose in their closet. You poke around for a while, there's a few binders in there so you guess that's all that's off limits. The tight leggings however would be a good start, you throw those bad boys on and look for a shirt without thinking you reach for a binder. Come on you just set the no binders rule! Don't be rude! 

“nah help yourself ive got plenty” Oh cool. You take the darker, but still neon blue binder and put it on. Holy shit is that a net tank top? Yes please. You also throw on a shirt in a similar style to Ciravas, but with a blue face on it instead of whatever they're wearing. Now, accessory time. 

First you get a pair of sunglasses, a must have for cool dudes, then a pink and blue snapback its neon, but that's kind of a given at this point. You think you're done, but then you remember shoes. What is an outfit without a pair of sweet kicks? An amateur mistake, you see some shoes matching your hat and look to Cirava for approval. 

You did very well! They called you their friend and you’re taking selfies! Score!!!!! You calm down enough to ask them to send the pictures to you. They do and then check the feedback from social media, they say the name of the site, youve never heard of it. Makes sense considering you've only been on this planet for two weeks. Apparently everyone thinks you’re hot as hell. Wow, everyone likes you! This is awesome! 

Before you have time to dm any of them, Cirava warns you against it and invites you to vape. Yeah okay sure, this may as well happen, alien vaping why not? 

They take you back downstairs and show you how it's done. After they take one… hit? Is that the word? This isn't really your thing back home, but whatever you're on a new planet now and it's your turn. You put the vape up to your mouth and inhale deeply. You take that breath like it's the last on you'll ever take and hold it like you’re about to go underwater for the rest of your life. The vapor burns your lungs and you have tears in your eyes, you probably should have figured out if this was poisonous to you before you tried it. Whatever you'll die doing what you love, making friends. 

After what you think might be a full minute Cirava tells you to let it go, you get the feeling you might have held it too long, but once you exhale it's actually a good feeling. The two of you do this for an hour. Then you sit on the couch and listen to Ciravas music. You're both chilling and Cirava declares you their best friend. Then finally the tragic backstory. It's full of betrayal, violence, and troll stuff you don't understand. Wonderful, you're glad you know the story behind why you're friend only has one eye, it’d be a shame if it would have been left unsaid. 

Anyway, the two of you chill for the rest of the night, eventually Cirava makes their way upstairs and sleeps in their recuperacoon? Yeah that's the word. Yay you. Anyway you're sleeping on the couch. And not long after sleep takes you have a nightmare again. Diemen chokes on his hotdog and Ardata takes his body. 

Lovely. You couldn't be more happy when moonrise comes. Cirava isn't an early riser so you have some time to forward those selfies to your other friends. You then add Cirava to the group chat, maybe they can be friends with these guys too! Ardata’s a streamer too, Diemen's super chill and Amisia… 

Well she's cool! You like her even if she does decapitate people! You think you get a reply, but as you do Cirava comes down! “hey man” 

Hey! Are we eating? “yeah i just ordered some ubereats” Awesome thank you! 

“whats this chat you added me in” Oh the group chat with all your friends? 

“theres only three other people in it” Yup! The gangs all here! 

“lmao me too man, yeah i guess that's chill” Nice! You casually bring up their possible knowledge of Ardata. 

“oh yeah ive heard of her, thats not really my style tho” Yeah you didn't think Cirava was the torture dungeon type. 

“yeah didnt think you were either” Just as you're worried an awkward pause will overtake the two of you, the doorbell rings. Cirava walks to their door, uncombed hair, still wearing yesterday's clothes, is that a troll thing? Half the trolls you've met thus far only get dressed with the intent to show the internet. Granted half the trolls you've met are internet stars and also you've only met four trolls. 

Anyway Ciravas back soon with what looks like troll taco bell. Okay, hold on taco bell? Really? 

“nah this is from ‘shelled meat product ringer’” You look at the bag that's literally just the taco bell logo with horns on it, they seriously call tacos “shelled meat products”

“its the short version of ‘shelled meat, cheese and vegetable product’” Please can we just call them tacos? That's just,,, too much 

“yeah honestly tacos sounds easier anyways” 

Oh no, you think another awkward pause is coming on, you look around frankly for anything to start conversation. You look your friend up and down and see a bright pink strap. Did they sleep in their binder? 

“what?” they ask before following your gaze “oh my rumblesphere compressor, nah that's unsafe I just put this back on.” You almost twitch at the name “rumblesphere compressor”, but you calm down you're the alien here, you don't get to be angry. Anyway, it's good that they still practice self care! 

They something in reply, but a giant wasp flies up behind them and honestly that's pretty distracting. You grab Ciravas hand and try to run, but they stay in their chair and look confused until they look behind them. 

“its alright dude, it's just my lusus.” Oh the bug parent things? 

“yeah sure man” They say with a shrug. Well it seems nice! 

“yeah shes chill” They give the bug a pat on the head. “I think she’s just hungry rn hold up” 

Cirava saunters off to the kitchen leaving you and the wasp alone, its demeanor changed immediately. Anger is clearly displayed across the bugs features, it looks like it hates you? 

Come on! What have you even done wrong? It's only chapter four and things already don't like you? Unbelievable. Luckily before the author gets really meta and before the wasp tries anything Cirava comes back in with food for their lusus. They put down a plate for the beast and it excitedly eats. 

You sit there and watch it out for a minute or two, completely forgetting about your own hunger until Cirava passes you a large burrito and a soda. “i took care of her eat your food dude” 

You thank Cirava, they really are a good friend. “its whatever man, dont forget your tacos in the bag too” 

You can't help smiling. A taco, burrito, and a large soda? Its too good to be true! You take a bite of the burrito and despite the questionable looking contents it tastes pretty good! You wash it down with a refreshing drink of soda, truly a gre- BLUH WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT. 

Cirava jumps a little in surprise, almost dropping their taco. “never had tab?” 

Tab? Yeah you think you've heard of it. Wait isn't that the gross sugar free soda? “nah it's made with a lot of sugar by condescension herself” 

It obviously wasn't very sugary and you have no idea which company they're referring to but you'll let it slide, you're living the alien life now, gotta roll with the punches. 

You ask if there's anything around you clean that spit take up with, you kinda made a huge mess. They brush it off with a shrug, guess they're chill with backwash and tab on the carpet. 

“wanna watch tv?” Oh definitely that's something you can get behind. You sit and watch some TV show you don't understand and eat. After a bit Cirava pulls out the vape again, alright cool! You thought that the eating came after the drugs, but whatever sure. 

Your vaping is a bit more natural now, not perfected or anything but you don't turn yourself blue this time around. You both take a few turns before zoning out with the TV.

An hour passes and the two of you are still watching what you're pretty sure is troll I love Lucy. Ciravas lusus is curled up on their lap and you're curled up under their arm. It's all pretty chill and then Cirava suggests heading out for more food. Of course you say yes and the two of you head out right away. 

You're ribs ache on the way there, but at least you're away from their creepy lusus that hates you for no reason. It shot you glares any time Cirava wasn't looking, which was terrifying on a wasps face. 

“yeah I think shes just a little protective after happened” they vaguely gesture to their missing eye and you nod, yeah you can see why she’d be protective. Now you just wish you were back a Ciravas house. 

You guys walk to a store that you purposely don't look at the name for and go through the aisles looking for good food. The walking is miserable with your messed up ribs and you hate being here, you guys were all peace full back at the house, but on alien hell planets if you're peaceful and chilling then it's time for Walmart or wherever you are. 

“stay here for a sec” Cirava says out of the blue. They walk off leaving you in the middle of the soup aisle. Great now you're just by yourself. You examine some purple labeled cans and see the grossest things ever. It looks like this company has chosen the grossest mascot ever to match their product, at least they're on brand. Seriously though who eats green soup with what looks like only meat, who? No one that's who. Well, maybe you could, you're already at this store, you were looking for food, a little sip couldn't hurt… 

“if you want that we gotta go to a different section,” Cirava starts while picking you up and putting you in a shopping cart. “that stuffs only for purples we gotta find some expired ones come on” they begin pushing you in the chart and realize this is a lot better than walking, you guys must be really be nsync for them to notice your pain. Your friends are the best. 

“or you were complaining very loudly”

Oh. Yeah or that. 

After many minutes and lots of joking around in the troll grocery store, you're surrounded by cookie dough, tons of chips, muffins, and few things you can't identify. Cirava checks out getting only a mildly confused look at the alien in their chart and they begin pushing you home, guess it's their shopping cart now. 

“ill add it to the collection” they say with a smirk. 

Collection?

“yeah I used to take these all the time I have a few” Guess you'll be seeing that soon, is it weird you find shopping cart theft cool? It's probably weird, you really shouldn't look forward to seeing stolen shopping carts. 

“i mean it's not hard, you're supposed to walk out of the store with them anyway” True, Cirava just takes it the extra mile, you respect that. 

It doesn't take long to arrive back at their house and they dont bother putting the stuff away or even taking you out of the cart. They just open two bags pass you one and turn on some TV. It's a chill way to spend the day and you learn that you can eat a lot of bags of chips in one day. Plus they're lusus makes some food as well, you and Cirava eat all of it. Then pass out. 

You wake up, after another wonderful nightmare where you ask for a bite of Diemen’s food, he walks away and you never become friends. Lovely. 

You look around to find you're alone on the couch. Getting up you eventually find Cirava in their recuperacoon, it was kind of them to get you out of that shopping cart. You'll wait for them to wake up then head out. It's been fun, but you gotta make new friends. Addiction is a powerful thing after all. 

It takes two hours but they wake up and wander in the kitchen where you and waspmom are making something, you're not quite sure, but she needs your help with stuff that requires thumbs. Cirava takes over for you and you enjoy your last meal at their house. 

You're about to leave when you realize you never saw those shopping carts last night. Cirava looks borderline giddy at the chance to show you and leads you down into a basement, guess you can add that to the list of things troll internet stars have. Depression, Bugs, Creepy Basements. 

They flick the lights on and you see a sea of carts in various colors. There must be at least 50 probably more, they have more carts then some stores. Some of them are broken and faded and it leaves you wondering just how long they've been doing this. 

“tbh as long as I remember” Damn “yeah but I used to bring them back lmao” 

Yeah they're lucky this basement is so big, it's probably even bigger than Ardata’s. “people like her need small ones” 

You don't want to know why and decide it's time for goodbyes. You give Cirava a hug and their lusus a pat on the head. Then finally out the door. Time to get walking!


	5. This will be replaced with skyllas chapter

Okay yall, I am so sorry for the delay on this chapter, but honestly I dont like Skylla all that much. Trying to find a good way of writing her was hard so it took me a while to write this. 

That said it is fully written now and if anyone wants to volunteer to help proof read I would greatly appreciate it! Just comment below with a tumblr/Twitter I could dm you on :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TLDR Chapter is written and if anyone wants to help edit I'd love it. If not my goal is to have it out soon but I make no guarantees on exact dates. Thanks for your patience!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :)


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